I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize