textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize