if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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