you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
