i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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