If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
