I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize