I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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