you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
