remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
