I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
