I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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