There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
