im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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