found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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