the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
