just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
