I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
