There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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