thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
