What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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