It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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