wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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