I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
