You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
