we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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