I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
