I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
