I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
