in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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