Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
