Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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