so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
