True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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