YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
