yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
