First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize