she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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