Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
