Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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