1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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