Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
