at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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