Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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