Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
