Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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