you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
