There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
