I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
