ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
