and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
