what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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