Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
