i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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