Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Text me some of your sweat
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
