Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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