I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
