did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
