I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
