My sheets look like a crime scene.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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