I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Everything about him screamed your future.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
