I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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