there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
