i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
