We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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