wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize