Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
