Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Randomize
