Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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