Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
