Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
