Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(936): View more from Texas

Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit

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(856): View more from New Jersey

you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb

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(843): View more from South Carolina

she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".

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(201): View more from New Jersey

It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.

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(949): View more from California

the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.

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(469): View more from Texas

btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.

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(636): View more from Missouri

I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.

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