Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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