He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Someone came in the potted fern
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
